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I have an almost 12 week boy vizsla named champ. He is def the alpha from the other 4 boys. Very smart, energetic, and all the genes you want for a breeding male. He listens to me much better than my wife but she’s the one that stays home with him and our 18 month old daughter. I think she thought that she was gonna have a puppy that was going to learn to stop biting, not get rough with our kid occasionally because she read that the breed was highly intelligent and easily trainable. I tried telling her that he’s still just a puppy and it takes time. She thinks he’s dumb. He’s been sitting, staying, laying down, getting better at peeing inside, getting better at not biting and overall behavior. At what point is it the dog or the person handling him? I’ve told her that he can sense that she just tolerates him bc he’s not meeting her expectations and I really do have that affections for him. I mean it’s at the point that I’m not sure if she can handle him. She wants me to come home from work and discipline him when he does stuff wrong for her and I told her that I can and he will listen but he will continue to have no respect for her. Thoughts? Suggestions?
 

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With a 18 month old child, her hands are already full. Of course a smart puppy is not going to listen, if he does not have someone’s undivided attention while they are working with him.
I don’t think it’s the puppy, or the person. It’s the situation.
Not sure why someone would discipline a pup, or dog for something that happened earlier in the day. The pup would have no idea why it’s being treated that way.
 

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I was in almost the exact same situation as you with a < 2 year old child and a puppy. The biggest thing I learned was the importance of staggering naps and crate time. Not sure how many naps your daughter takes, but while she is down for a nap that time is super important to give to your puppy. Mentally and physically stimulate him. Do short little training sessions. Bond with him through play. Etc. When you can't afford to split attention between your baby and puppy then the puppy should be in the crate. I think we often times underestimate how much rest/sleep a puppy needs - especially if we are providing proper levels of mental and physical enrichment. If you work from 9-5 away from where you live then maybe make it goal for your wife to care for both your daughter and puppy at the same time for as little of time as possible. So maybe something like this assuming your child naps twice a day:

7am - you take the puppy out for the bathroom, provide some mental and physical stimulation, breakfast, etc.
8:30am - you leave to work and puppy is back in the crate while your wife cares for your daughter (Note: Still 0 hours where your wife has to watch both)
10:30am - Daughter is put down for a nap
10:31am - Puppy comes out of crate (2 hours of crate time so far and 0 hours of watching both)
12:00pm - Daughter wakes up from nap
12:00pm - Wife offers puppy play and maybe a long lasting mental enrichment game. Like one of those lick mats. Or one of those toys where the dog finds the kibble hidden throughout, etc. while wife tends to baby's needs of feeding, diaper change, etc. (2 hours of crate time so far and 0 hours of watching both up to this point)
12:30pm - Puppy goes back in the crate (30 minutes total of watching both at the same time so far)
2:00pm - Daughter is put down for a nap
2:30pm - Puppy comes out of crate (4 hours of crate time so far and 30 minutes of watching both). Physical and mental stimulation begins.
4:00pm - Daughter wakes up and wife again offers a long lasting mental enrichment game while she tends to baby's needs.
4:30pm - Puppy in crate until you return home.

In real life, things never go this smoothly obviously. But having an approximate schedule you are trying to follow is a game changer when balancing a baby and a vizsla with just one caregiver. Obviously this leaves very little rest for your wife throughout the day, but it makes each hour of the day more manageable. Trust me, it's crazy, but it's possible and once all the craziness is behind you it'll be so worth it. Massive kudos to your wife for providing care to two very different babies that require very different things.

Last thing I'll say. I think by 18 months your daughter is probably napping just one time now? If so, then there would be somewhere closer to 2-3 hours of watching both at the same time throughout the day until you get home. Hope this helps!

TLDR: Do your best to never have your puppy and child napping at the same time.
 

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You have a lot on your plate going on right now, but let’s break down a few things.

A 12 week old dog, of any breed, does not yet have its adult brain functions completely developed. They’re still operating off basic genetic imprint. He is not dumb!!!

Disciplining a 12 week old puppy is a waste of time. It would be like disciplining your 18 month old. They’re not going to understand what is happening.
Puppies, and developing adult dogs have about a 10-30 second window for correction. You can’t come home and discipline a dog for something it did hours before. It won’t work. It had to be immediate, for the puppy, or dog, to associate the correction with the behavior.

You and your wife will each have a different relationship with your dog. In the field, my dog responds to me like a remote control toy. In the house, he gives me the finger and listens to my wife.

You have a good 10-12 months of basic training and obedience work ahead of you. He’s going to pick it up fast, but there are just things you need to wait on maturity to really nail down.
Your wife had a lot to deal with. You may want to consider doggie day care, and a trainer to get you through the first few months.
 

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Great advice here from all. I especially want to put emphasis on the play/crate schedule regime that @lw19 provided an example of. We did something similar with Ellie and it really helped get into the groove of managing a crazy (normal) V pup. That will go a long way in creating structure that will help your wife's sanity and for the pup to learn as well that will come in real handy.
 

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Obviously, asking you to discipline a pup hours after the fact is not going to do anything except confuse the pup.

But it sounds like your wife is basically asking you to step in and be primarily responsible for the pup. I’m SAHM to a 17 month old and have also taken a puppy leave with my V before I had the baby. My daughter figured out walking pretty recently and now she thinks she can walk down the tile stairs like an adult. She has to be watched like an hawk. There is no installing baby gates on those stairs. She’s also recently been getting into everything and dipping her arms in the toilet the moment I turn my head. Either of them alone would be very hard. The two together would be overwhelming.

I assume she has to cook (if not for the family then for the toddler), clean, do laundry, run errands, entertain the toddler, change diapers, and on top of that she also has to keep both toddler and puppy from hurting themselves, hurting each other, cleaning up puppy accidents, and maybe even walk the puppy. In the precious 2 hours your 18 mo might be napping, maybe she just wants to sit down and take a break or catch up on some chores instead of dealing with a pent up and bored puppy who may be in the mood to bite.

Yes, it may be her, and going by what she asked you to do, she may not know very much about dogs. But on the other hand, she may just be out of mental bandwidth. It may be worth taking some time off so you can take over more on the puppy, focus on training and set the dog up for long term success in your family. If you have to cancel a family vacation to do so, IMO it’s worth it.

that, or you will have to accept that you will be the main dog handler in the family and he will indeed not take instructions as well from your wife.
 
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